When I was growing up, sex was a taboo subject in both mine, and other peoples families. No one spoke about it; that subject was left to the teacher in the sex education class. For some that information was too little too late.
For example, some girls were petrified when they got their periods, they did not know what it was and many of them thought that they were dying.
Some got pregnant; the parents asked “How is that possible, she does not even know about sex?
Some had encountered Uncle Jack who said: “Let’s play hide the sausage, it is our secret and you can have an endless supply of candy”.
Some contacted sexually transmitted disease like Hepatitis and yet for other’s, when AIDS came, it was a death sentence that may have been avoided by simply having a conversation. Imagine watching your child die slowly and painfully knowing you could have done something about it?
When death comes knocking, no one gives a shit about what the neighbors will say because they are too consumed by grief. But yet, at that time, it was still kept a secret and the other kids in family would be told she died of malaria and not a sexually transmitted disease.
When I first moved to Albania, one 19 year old girl asked me if it was possible to get pregnant the first time you have sex. I was shocked but the longer I stayed in the country, the more it occurred to me that that question was not stupid, it was common because the girls simply did not know. When they were 15, they were told “do not be with boys, you could get pregnant which would bring shame to our family.”
The more I spoke to young girls, the more I found skeletons in the closets; the neighbor who touched her vagina when she went to deliver milk, the uncle who stuck his finger in her vagina when mum and dad were not around, and let us not forget the ignorant boys who wanted to experiment with no idea of the consequences.
Yes, when the girls hit the teens they were warned about boys but when they were even younger, were they warned about adults? Because that is the biggest danger.
I do not use the word “shame” in my family. My daughter is 7 years old and she is allowed to ask me anything even about sex- I told her all about human reproduction, we looked at books and talked about different parts of our bodies and their functions. We spoke about what was normal and what wasn’t and I told her that men and women and boys were not allowed to look at or touch her vagina. I made it clear to her that people who did that or wanted to do that were evil and should be resisted and reported to me immediately.
Now you may think that is going overboard because my child is too young but paedophiles depend on innocence to get to their prey. They count on taboo stopping a child from speaking of such matters and they tell the children that no one will believe them if they speak out. MY CHILD KNOWS I WILL BELIEVE HER. When we do not educate our children because it is considered SHAMEFUL, we leave to it to others who may not be well meaning or yet others who are just as ignorant, to do it for us. And I am not just speaking about girls, I am speaking about boys too. Not all the Catholic priests who abused boys were gay, rather they picked the boys because the boys were less likely to tell because they would be too embarrassed.
Lately I have read in the news about men who target single mothers simply because they have a sexual interest in their child. These men are a dream, they buy you flowers and chocolate, they clean and cook for you, finally encouraging you to have a night out with friends while they babysit and God help your child after that. So you come and your child’s personality has changed overnight and you let the man explain the change. Why not ask the kid?
Sonisays’ we must talk to our children about sex and their bodies. We must encourage them to talk to us and to ask questions. We should answer the questions as honestly as possible because information will help your child to see the danger signs. As he all she grows older we should give more and more information and we should tell boys and girls about sexually transmitted diseases and how to protect one-self from such things. We have to talk about the burden (NOT THE SHAME) of unwanted pregnancies on young people. IF telling young people not to have sex worked, that would be great but, we encourage boys to do it and discourage girls from doing it, so who do the boys have sex with? Old women? No, they do it with the young girls.
In the 20th century we must advice young people on the benefits of contraception. That info can save us all a lot of grief as well as saving lives. It is not unheard that a young lady kills an unwanted child or kills herself. Given the choice between shame and my daughter’s life, I would choose shame every time. People will always talk negative things about you regardless of how good you think you are.
TALK ABOUT SEX. DO NOT MAKE IT A TABOO IN YOUR HOME. IF YOU DON’T TALK ABOUT IT, YOUR CHILD WILL STILL GET THAT INFORMATION, BUT IT MAY COME FROM AN EVIL SELF SERVING BASTARD.
Should we have sex before marriage? Watch this space.